


Twenty-One Years (Of Stupidity)

by starstruck1986



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-06 03:53:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starstruck1986/pseuds/starstruck1986
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pairing(s): Ron Weasley / Severus Snape (barely mentioned brief Ron/Hermione)<br/>Warnings: Post-war EWE and without a major death, too; teacher/student; desk!sex; hints to kinky realms -spanking, plugs, gags; tattoos; swearing; pining; hurt/comfort; minor OC character death; language; alcoholism, age disparity (18/38 at the start) and some feeding of custard creams. Oh! And some blatant 'Bridget Jones' Diary line adapting.<br/>Summary: Sometimes, if it's meant to be, fate brings you back together at the end regardless of how much you hurt one another during the beginning and middle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Twenty-One Years (of Stupidity)**  
  
 **1999**  
  
Ron hissed as the skin of his lower back pulled; it was stuck to the veneer of the desk beneath him and he felt sticky with sweat from head to toe. He wasn't fool enough to beg for respite, however; he'd learnt the hard way that his lover had far too dry a humour for such a request -if Ron asked him to stop, they would immediately do so and their fun would be over for the entire night. Ron didn't _ever_ want it to be over.  
  
He keened at the ceiling as the fingers working within him twisted. He wondered whether the other man could hear the frantic _thud thud thud_ of his heart as it pounded away in his chest, or knew that he was causing the room to spin about Ron's head. Sex with another man set him on fire. Sex with _this_ man near torched him alive.  
  
Glancing down at the dark head bobbing at his groin, Ron bit hard into his lip. The hair had been greasy once, he'd often made fun of it. Now it gleamed in the candlelight and the ends brushed softly against his hip bones as Severus Snape licked along the length of Ron's cock. The sight nearly set him off coming in the man's mouth then and there, but he forced himself to take several shallow breaths and tried to hang on. Coming too early would make him feel like the teenage boy he was -and Severus would hate being reminded of that fact as much as Ron would.  
  
Thoughts of their most recent argument on the subject flooded Ron's brain then; he saw the unhappy look on Severus' face and tasted his own anger bubbling in his throat. He was not yet nineteen, but he shouldn't have even been at Hogwarts, and Severus was meant to be dead. In Ron's mind, that gave them special grace to do whatever the hell they wanted; he was not technically a student and Severus... well, Severus had stared death in the face -surely, he should be afraid of nothing? At least, that was the way Ron saw it. So he couldn't pretend it didn't hurt when Severus pushed him away for the sake of propriety and guilt.  
  
It hurt so much it scorched him to his core; rejection was one of his deepest, darkest fears, a secret which only Harry had ever really been party to thanks to You-Know-Who and the locket. Both were now in the past, but the truth remained. In a year he had gone from wanting the world with Hermione Granger to wanting something else entirely -and he was still finding out exactly what that was. A stab of guilt struck in his belly as he thought of her, sitting somewhere alone in the common room, probably waiting for him. She'd said something about perhaps going for a drink; she wanted to talk to him in private.  
  
“Fuck,” he swore, low in his throat, as Severus' fingers slipped out of his body and something firmer pressed against his hole. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”  
“Language, Weasley. Do I have to force you to keep that filthy mouth shut?”  
“N-no.” Ron gasped as his Professor began to ease inside his body, his intruding cock slick with lubricant and pre-come.  
  
He remembered the first time he'd ever taken the wizard's cock in his hand, surprised at the size and the heat of it. He remembered his shock that, beneath his clothes, Severus Snape had a man's body like anyone else's, and his well endowment had made Ron's throat go dry.  
  
“I out to wash it out,” Severus muttered idly, grasping Ron by the sides as he eased inwards. “What with, do you think?”  
“Your c-come.”  
  
His breath juddered as he said the word and Ron squeezed his eyes shut, face flaming red with embarrassment. He said things during sex which made him feel like a complete idiot, but when Severus muttered to him in that low voice he felt compelled to respond; the other man seemed to like it, so he kept it up, no matter how it made him feel.  
  
“Good boy,” Severus whispered; Ron couldn't see, but he thought the man might have been wearing a smirk. “I bet Molly Weasley doesn't know what a filthy little comeslut her baby boy is, does she? How much he wants it, how he takes it at any opportunity. Begs for it, even.”  
“Godric, move!” Ron cried, unable to take the slow pace any longer. “Yes!”  
  
His scream of pleasure hit the ceiling as Severus slammed into him properly for the first time, tearing his damp skin from the desk as he shifted across it with the force. The move pulled his half-unbuttoned robe up against his throat. The pressure made him gasp. Severus hadn't even managed to fully undress him before he'd tossed him on the desk and had his way; Ron wasn't complaining, but the pain was distracting him. His robe was bunched up under his shoulders and on his chest, exposing his belly, cock and legs to his Professor. He opened his mouth to cry out with pleasure again but instead spat it ungracefully into the other man's mouth as Severus took him in a kiss.  
  
He chose to mewl into him instead, letting his mouth be kissed and his arse be fucked as if he had no choice in the matter. He felt fingers curl into his hair -hair which had grown far longer than his mother would ever tolerate when it came to the Easter Holidays- and cried out when it was tugged. Severus pulled again, harder, his breaths growing rash as he fell further into the spell of what they were doing. Ron opened his eyes and looked at the face which was growing steadily redder. He reached up and locked his arms behind Severus' back, pulling him flush to his chest, and thrust his tongue into his mouth.  
  
A grunt of surprise sounded and then Severus' eyes were open, dark boreholes which seemed flat and dull -until you were as close as Ron was at that moment.  
  
“N-need... you...” Ron breathed, jerking his hips in time with the rhythm which had fallen between them. “Need you so bad... need to... need to... oh!”  
  
The friction of Severus' belly rubbing on his cock was enough to chase off his resolve, Ron found, and in seconds he was pumping come between them, his grip on Severus' tightening to what must have been a painful level as he released. Only near the end, when he dared to re-open his eyes, did he feel the stiffness of Severus' own body and a deep heat in his backside.  
  
“Oh... fuck,” he breathed, unable to think of anything more eloquent.  
“Apparently so,” Severus muttered dryly. “Let's hope you haven't just woken up half the castle with your shrieks of pleasure.”  
  
Ron blushed and turned his head away. Despite what -whatever it _was_ \- that they were sharing, Severus could still make him feel like an idiot, and did so, regularly.  
  
“I should gag you next time.” Severus bent and pressed a kiss to Ron's cheek, and then, as he had known it would be, it was all over as the older man pulled himself away and let himself slide out of Ron's body.  
  
Ron himself remained there on the desk, his knees up and socked feet only just gripping onto the edge of the desk with their toes. His stomach was sticky with his own seed and he didn't think he had the energy to move, but Severus would expect him to. He would expect him out of the door within ten minutes, Ron supposed. He had never dared to ask to stay afterwards.  
  
He guessed that his presence after sex would only serve to remind Severus of what they were doing, and how wrong he thought it was. Ron didn't want to push the man into putting an end to all of it. He couldn't quite place how he had come to be fucked by the Potions Master on his desk, or how he had come to enjoy it so much, but the come on his tummy was more than enough proof of both realities, and he suddenly felt ill.  
  
Struggling upright, Ron allowed his legs to slide flat and stood up when his feet touched the floor. His creased school robe fell heavily about his body, causing his cock to ache as it settled over it. He realised too late that he should have used a spell to clean himself before rising. Severus was by the fire, quickly redressing himself in his underwear and base shift, which enveloped his body in a soft, cotton cloud. Ron nearly moaned aloud, wanting to run his hands over the cotton and feel the warmth beneath it. Severus caught him looking and met his gaze.  
  
“I'll go,” Ron said, hurriedly, looking around for his boots. “Sorry, I was just... looking...”  
“You don't have to go,” Severus said quietly.  
“I'll be out of your hair in- wait, what?”  
“You don't have to leave,” Severus repeated, louder. He folded his outer robe in half and draped it on the back of an armchair. “I think... I think you should stay. There are some things we need to talk about, Ron.”  
  
The 'Weasley' of the heat of the moment had gone, Ron was glad to hear, even though it _did_ excite him beyond his expectations when Severus 'last named' him during sex. He managed a nod but was sure his surprise was showing on his face.  
  
“Do you want to use the shower?” Severus asked cordially. “You certainly know how to make a mess.”  
“Yeah... I... shower would be good. Please. Thanks.”  
  
Inwardly, Ron kicked himself for being such an idiot. But Severus had thrown him with the offer of staying put: normally he would have been halfway back to Gryffindor Tower by that point in the proceedings, wondering about what lie to spin his friends. He spared a thought for the ultra big lie he was going to need after Severus was done with him, whenever that might be.  
  
“Into the bedroom, then it's the door on the left,” Severus advised. “Give me your robe. You'll give the House Elves nightmares if they see the state of it.”  
  
Ron nodded as he blushed, and stripped the robe off over his head. Severus took it from him, unable to keep his eyes from glancing up and down Ron's naked body. Ron licked at his bottom lip and thought about how ridiculous it was that he was just in his socks.  
  
“Don't catch your death in here,” Severus advised. “Plenty of people would suspect me. I don't wish to see the inside of Azkaban.”  
  


* * *

  
  
The dozing boy next to him seemed even more resplendent asleep than he had even in the middle of sex, Severus thought, as he stared at Ron. He had been a fool to let him stay -to think that he would be able to _talk_ to the boy. He'd had every intention of telling him that that was it, that there would be no more sex in the dungeons and he would no longer be thinking of him spread out and whimpering with pleasure during the moments Severus Snape actually had to suffer teaching Ronald Weasley during the day. Severus had fully intended to put a stop to it. _Completely._  
  
And then Ron had emerged from the shower, skin pink and hair long, darkened and dripping, and his resolve had melted away like ice held within a flame. He could feel the guilt pulling at him even then, when they were so peaceful and Ron was asleep. He wanted to leap from the bed and scream for his stupidity, tear at his flesh for the sins it had committed with the boy who was young enough to be his own son. Yet he remained there, rooted to the bed, head propped up on one hand, watching the youngest Weasley boy sleep, at two in the morning. He knew he should sleep too, and that his lessons would suffer the next day, but he had no care for them, not then, at that moment, when the gentle _whoosh_ of Ron's breath in and out of his lungs was so bloody captivating that he couldn't even really think of getting up and walking away, no matter how much he knew he ought to.  
  
If he had a knut for every filthy thought he'd suffered about the redhead, he would have been a very rich man. Severus knew that he didn't give a fig about the money -he would rather have had the filth be reality. He would rather have seen Ron squirming during a potions lesson with a large plug stuffed in his arse, or had the redhead draped over his lap whilst he spanked him red raw and until he was caterwauling. Severus closed his eyes with despair as his cock gave an interested twitch at the images in his mind.  
  
“He's eighteen,” he muttered to himself, scrunching up his face as if it might help drive the message home. “He is a child, who you cannot fuck, and you cannot fall in love with and cannot live a life with. A child, Severus.”  
“I thought that when you turned seventeen in this world you became an adult?” Ron whispered, and Severus jumped.  
“I should have known better,” Severus groaned, and rolled onto his back to stare up at the canopy of his bed. “I should have known fucking better than to trust a Gryffindor to actually be asleep when he should be.”  
  
Ron snorted a little laugh and Severus felt his despair morph into desire in his belly.  
  
“I'm eighteen, so what?” Ron asked.  
“The fact that you even ask shows me all the reasons why this is a supremely bad idea.”  
“But it's already happened, and you can't take what's done back. I hope... I hope you don't want to.”  
  
Severus flinched at the hurt in Ron's tone. He had learnt far too much about the boy to ever pretend that they didn't know one another, or that they had not come to understand each other, at least. Ron was desperate for love and affection, and to please others. He was desperate to be wanted -and Severus knew his biggest failing was that he, too, after all his years, wanted to be wanted too. He told himself, night after night, that this was the reason why he allowed himself to fall into bed with the boy, and let himself fuck Ron senseless and suck his cock and tease him until he was screaming and begging for release. He _promised_ himself that he was just desperate, and lonely, and Ron was the first willing body he had found in years who wanted him back.  
  
“Why on earth do you want this?” Severus asked suddenly, remaining flat on the bed, keeping his eyes closed. “Why, Weasley? You used to loathe me like all the others -am I to believe that you've had a sudden change of heart, that you suddenly sympathise with my plight? Or are you here on some kind of cruel vengeance? Do you want to hurt me? Do you want to twist the knife in my gut more than those that have gone before you have already managed? Tell me. _Tell me._ ”  
  
He almost drowned in the silence which followed his outburst. His face and throat grew hot and he was suddenly desperate for a drink, but leaving the room would not do him any favours, he feared. He groped for his wand on the bedside cabinet and summoned a flagon of wine from the sitting room of his quarters. He sat up, not looking at Ron, and swigged directly at it, without bothering to summon a glass. He drank deeply before thrusting it sideways; Ron took it without a word. He heard the sounds of the younger man gulping at the rich liquid and almost laughed. Giving alcohol to a student was surely another broken rule beneath his belt.  
  
“I don't know what we're doing,” Ron said quietly. “I don't know why I keep coming back or why you keep having me, Severus. I don't. You thought I hated you, but it wasn't half as much as I thought you hated me. Every time you let me back in I'm more and more staggered. I don't want to hurt you. I'm not playing a game. I'm not twisting any knife. I don't know why the fuck I _am_ here, but its nothing to do with anything that you mentioned.”  
  
Severus stared at the coverlet over his body and thought about how to answer. Ron nudged the wine back into his grip and he took it, glad of an anchor, no matter how small it was. He took another swig and licked at his bottom lip.  
  
“Why did you ever let me touch you?” he asked, hearing the bitterness in his tone. “Why did you let me fuck you?”  
“Because I wanted you to,” Ron answered helplessly.  
“Why?”  
“Because!”  
“You will tell me _why_!”  
“Or what, you're going to put me in detention?” Ron laughed.  
  
Severus said nothing further as the boy hopped out of the bed and began to pace, naked, back and forth across the bedroom. He watched as long fingers ran through longer ginger hair and as Ron folded his arms defensively across his chest. The redhead continued to pace, up and down, until Severus realised he was going mad watching him.  
  
“Stop,” he commanded, drinking from the flagon again, before setting it down on the side. Severus got up himself and moved to stand in front of Ron, equally as naked. “Look at me.”  
“I see you,” Ron mumbled.  
“Really look at me,” Severus spat. “Look at this ugly body and tell me you honestly want it anywhere near you.”  
“I do,” Ron said, his voice sickeningly earnest. Severus had to take a deep breath to keep from vomiting; the wine was sitting sourly on his stomach.  
“Liar.”  
“Don't call me a liar.” It was a weak beg. “I know what I want.”  
“You don't even know my middle name,” Severus pointed out, and laughed in Ron's face. “You know nothing about me. You just let me fuck you senseless every night to feel alive.”  
“I don't-”  
“Don't pretend that when you came crawling to me you weren't hurt and aching and that you needed someone to hold you and make you feel better.”  
“I won't, if you don't either.”  
  
Severus nearly slapped him but managed to keep his hand by his side.  
  
“Get out.”  
“Why are you being like this? Why don't you want me any more?”  
“You sound like a wailing woman, Weasley. Now get the hell out of my rooms before I report you to the Headmistress for being out of bounds, out of hours, in an indecent state.”  
  
The rejection seemed to pale Ron's face, Severus noticed, as the boy gaped wordlessly at him for a few moments before his brain seemed to kick back into action.  
  
“Right,” the redhead attempted to feign coolness. “I'll see myself out. Goodnight.”  
“Goodnight,” Severus replied, with what he hoped was finality.  
  
It took all of the one minute and thirty-four seconds in which it took Ron to dress and depart his dungeon before Severus' 'finality' erupted out of him with a strangled scream and a hard punch into the nearest wall.  
  


* * *

  
  
“What's the matter with you?” Harry asked worriedly, his eyes glued to Ron's face. “You're freaking me out a bit, mate.”  
“I'm fine,” Ron replied, knowing how numb his voice sounded, and how far from fine he was.  
  
He couldn't tear his eyes from the staff table in the Great Hall. Severus hadn't been there for many nights, but there he was, with a tight bandage wrapped around his left hand, whilst the right was clenched stiffly around a goblet of wine.  
  
“You've not eaten today.”  
“I'm fine.”  
“If I didn't know better, I'd say you were mooning around after someone... but Hermione says you've been distant from her recently, and-”  
“Harry,” Ron cut him off. “Do me a favour and shut up. Please. I don't want to talk. At all. About anything. Shut up and eat your pie.”  
“I will if you eat yours.”  
  
To please him, Ron cut off a bit of pie and stuffed it into his mouth. He chewed, finding it surprisingly tasty, but it brought him little pleasure. Harry continued to watch him like a hawk and therefore Ron continued to eat until he had cleared his plate.  
  
“Want me to eat seconds too, or was that enough?” he quipped.  
“I want Ron back,” Harry said begrudgingly. “Think you can owl him and find out when he plans on making an appearance?”  
  
Ron tutted and got up. He reached for his bag and wondered where he was storming off to; the Tower would be full of enquiring friends, the grounds were too cold and there was no way he was bothering to waste his breath on Severus. He'd tried the day after, at the end of a Potions lesson, but the man had simply walked away from him, all of Ron's words falling on seemingly deaf ears.  
  
“Stupid idiot,” he muttered to himself. “Pining over him like bloody Lavender pined after me.”  
  
His stomach lurched thinking of Lavender. He hadn't seen her for months, he didn't even know if she'd left St Mungo's yet. His guilt carried him away from Harry and out into the entrance hall, where he found himself just as aimless as he had been previously.  
  
“Weasley, do tidy yourself up,” a sharp voice came from his right. He looked at McGonagall as she rebuffed him, not really hearing her words. “You look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards.”  
  
Ron thought it was a bit harsh, but then he remembered that he hadn't showered since his last evening with Severus and that his hair was full of grease.  
  
“Right away, Headmistress.”  
“Good Godric, Weasley, what's the matter with you?”  
“Hmm?” Ron asked, confused.  
  
She stared at him levelly for a few moments and then straightened. “You should perhaps have a relaxing bath... you look fraught. I don't like fraught pupils; it reminds me of the war. Don't make me take you to my office to force biscuits and tea upon you.”  
  
That thought startled him into moving. “I'm going to the bath,” he promised.  
“I don't want to have to write to your mother, Weasley, I'm sure she'd be here in a second...”  
“Don't!” Ron cried, speeding into a jog up the stairs; the last thing he needed was his mother sniffing about the halls of Hogwarts and getting worried reports from Harry and Hermione.  
  
“For fuck's sake,” he cried aloud, as he reached the landing and began to stomp along it. “Why am I so fucking stupid?”  
  
Nobody answered but the million thoughts buzzing around his brain. He spent the rest of the walk to the Prefect's Bathroom in silence, trying desperately not to think about anything and failing miserably. He said the password to the door, which admitted him and he slipped inside. The room had only recently been vacated and steam still lingered in the air. His fringe dampened and stuck to his forehead. He stripped off his uniform and underwear and walked naked to the taps. He didn't pay attention to what he turned.  
  
“You could kill a man giving him a view like that,” a soft voice said from behind him. Ron jumped and whipped around, one hand drifting down to cover his privates.  
“You could kill a man sneaking up on him.” Ron glowered. “What're you doing here? Going to shout at me some more?”  
“I came to apologise for my... for the way I treated you, the other night. You did not deserve that.”  
  
Ron folded his arms over his chest and stared at the filling bathwater. The sound of it echoed in the room.  
  
“So... I'll leave you to your bath then.”  
“Tell McGonagall,” Ron grunted. “I'm here under her orders.”  
“You've looked miserable the last few days.”  
“Maybe that's because I have been.”  
“Because of me?”  
“Yes because of you, you stupid prick,” Ron burst out, before he could stop himself. “I don't get it. You were fucking me and treating me like you wanted me, and then you just went mental and tossed me out. I felt lucky that you allowed me to put my clothes back on.”  
  
There was a sigh. “Get in the bath.”  
“Not until you leave.”  
“I'm not going anywhere, so do you want that thing to shrink any more than it already has?” Severus gestured towards his crotch.  
“Sod off,” Ron huffed, but bent down and sat on the edge of the bath before slipping into the water.  
  
The warmth was beautiful and absorbed through to his bones. Ron shivered, waiting for the heat to banish the chill from his body which had been there since he'd left Severus' dungeon. He ducked down until his shoulders were covered. When he looked over his shoulder, Severus had perched on one of the stone benches near the bath. He had his fingers laced together and his head hung facing the floor.  
  
“Get in?” Ron suggested, even though he wasn't sure he wanted Severus to; there was an immense intimacy in sharing a bath which he doubted the other man would go for.  
  
He was shocked to hear Severus mutter a locking spell at the door, put a blackout spell over the mermaid on the wall and then begin to shuffle out of his clothes. Ron gave him privacy and turned his eyes back to the bubbly water, which was nearing the top of the bath. He waded to the side and reached out to turn off the flow of water and bubbles. By the time he turned around, Severus was in the water, his body hidden, and Ron couldn't help but glide across the bath and stand in front of him.  
  
“Why did you hurt me like that?” Ron asked, trying to keep his face free of emotion, but he failed to keep it out of his voice. “I didn't mean... I wasn't doing any of what you said.”  
  
He looked down at the bubbles.  
  
“I was showing you just how unpleasant I can be.”  
“After six years of being taught by you I fucking know how much of a bastard you can be, Snape.” Ron laughed, shaking his head. “I didn't need a demonstration whilst I was naked and half asleep. Give a man a chance.”  
“But that's the problem.” Severus let out a sigh. “You're not a man. You're a man-boy that the war stole a lot of time from. There are other things to do, to experience...”  
“Don't tell me I'm a kid.” Ron shook his head. “I've killed people, Severus. During that battle I had my wand out and I killed in cold blood like everyone else. If that doesn't force someone to grow up then what the fuck does? If I'm too childish for you then... then I don't know what I'm doing wrong.”  
“You're in a sodding school uniform,” Severus breathed. “That's what's wrong. You're still a pupil here and I have to teach you whilst remembering what we've done and everything that we could do. Do you know how hard that is?”  
“I can imagine. Would it be better if I drop out of Potions?”  
“And then you'll never get into the Auror programme.”  
“I don't care.”  
“You will.”  
“I don't want to bother with all that now. It's not my dream. I don't think it ever really was.”  
“Then what is?”  
  
Ron thought about how to answer and came up trumps.  
  
“I don't know what I want.”  
“Please don't give me some awful diatribe about how _I'm_ what you want, Weasley. I will lose my dinner.”  
“What did you do to your hand?” Ron asked stubbornly.  
  
A muscle twitched in Severus' cheek and Ron thought he was about to smile.  
  
“After you left, I expelled some anger.”  
“And hurt yourself?”  
“My anger has always reduced me to a fool.”  
“I made you angry.” Ron felt dumb as he said it, but he needed clarification. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-”  
“I was more angry at myself.” Severus lifted his good hand and placed a finger over Ron's lips. “And the things I'd said to you and what I was feeling. And I was angry at what you were feeling, I suppose.”  
“How d'you even know that?”  
  
Severus said nothing. “Perhaps I am waiting for you to tell me properly?”  
“I don't know what you want to hear?”  
“I want to hear the truth.”  
“I don't know why I keep coming to you,” Ron admitted. “I don't know why you let me keep coming. I don't _know_ , Severus.”  
“I should not be Severus to you. I should be Professor Snape or Sir. You are entirely too familiar now. I don't see how I can be expected to teach you knowing what we have done. What... what...”  
“What we want to do more of,” Ron finished for him.  
“But what is forbidden and wrong and entirely inappropriate.”  
“Who says?”  
“My employment contract, for one, you pretty little fool.”  
  
Ron blushed and pulled away, sending the water into a riot around them. “Bugger off and let me have my bath in peace if you can't be nice.”  
“You asked me in,” Severus pointed out.  
“Well, now I'm asking you to fuck off. _Sir._ ”  
  
He managed to arrange his features into a sneer before turning away to slink to the other side of the bath. He rested his elbows on the edge and put his head down on his arms. There was no sound from behind him. Ron closed his eyes and tried to still the sudden throbbing which had sprung up in his brain. When a soft kiss landed on his shoulder, he jerked and scraped an elbow on the tiles.  
  
“Ow,” he murmured weakly, but moaned as Severus' warmth covered his back and a firm grip settled around his middle. “Severus, why are you messing with me...? You said you didn't want this.”  
“I didn't say I didn't want it.” Severus mouthed more kisses over Ron's skin. “I said it was wrong and inappropriate. My wants were those things... not that I didn't want to do them.”  
“Why do you even want me?” Ron laughed helplessly, shivering at the touch of the man's lips.  
“I don't know,” Severus confessed. “I don't know, Ron. The same as I don't know why you're letting me do this to you...”  
“We were both lonely,” Ron mused. “And... that night when I came to you, I was... I didn't want the Madam Pomfrey to know... I didn't want it getting out that I...”  
“That you were plagued with horrifying nightmares and needed dreamless sleep. Why trust me?” Severus whispered. “Why trust a man who you hated with your secrets?”  
  
Ron stilled and stared at the wall. “Because I stopped hating you the second that I saw you... well... when I thought I saw you die. It was horrible... so much blood, you looked so... broken. I couldn't hate you then. I couldn't feel joy at your 'death'... and then when you were found, I was so glad that I hadn't spat on your body and memory like I could have done. I think... I think, after all that fighting and killing, that was when I really grew up. I felt so sorry for you, I respected you. I wanted to ask you everything that Harry wanted to ask. I wanted to know how it felt to never get the woman that you were madly in love with, to have to face her son every day.”  
  
Severus' weight seemed to slump on him then, and Ron was glad of the wall of the bath for the extra support.  
  
“Still,” Severus went on, his voice wavering. “Why come to me? Granger could have brewed you some up, no doubt.”  
“Why would I want to seem weak to a girl that I wanted?” Ron laughed and shook his head. “Come on, Severus, you're a clever man.”  
“Because I was the one who would never mock you, for that, at least.”  
“That and you were pretty much a recluse, so...”  
  
Ron leaned into the touch when Severus stroked his hair.  
  
“And these nightmares... do you still have them? You haven't asked for a potion in a good few weeks.”  
“I've... I didn't want to get dependent.”  
“And the dreams?”  
“I...” Ron faltered, wondering if he should tell the truth or not. “I've been drinking a bit. I have a bottle of firewhiskey under my bed. Small glass normally gets me off. Two on a bad night.”  
  
Severus was silent behind him, but his disapproval was almost palpable on the air.  
  
“I know I shouldn't.”  
“Just as we should not be doing this.”  
“But we are anyway.”  
  
Ron turned in Severus' arms and allowed their bodies to press together front-to-front. He kissed the older man before he could protest. Severus did not pull away until the kiss came to a natural falter, and then he only moved to rest his forehead against Ron's.  
  
“And how could you ever explain that, after coming to me for dreamless sleep, you also ended up in my bed?”  
“I don't really remember how that happened myself.”  
“I do.” Severus laughed a dry little laugh.  
“Tell me.”  
“You honestly don't remember? This sounds more like date rape by the second, Weasley.”  
“Don't be a turd and tell me.”  
“You came to me one night and just collapsed on the chair in the sitting room. You were waiting there for me to get the potion... and when I came back, you were out for the count. I tried to rouse you and got nowhere, so I moved you to the larger chair and tried to cover you up. And then you wrapped your arms around my neck, called me 'my love' and kissed me.”  
“Oh bugger,” Ron swore, unable to hold his laugh in. “I'm sorry.”  
“And then-”  
“I remember everything afterwards.” Ron grinned. “Truth be told, I remembered the kiss, too, but I wanted to see how you'd tell it.”  
  
Severus glared at him and Ron laughed harder, the sound bouncing off the bathroom walls.  
  
“Don't be cross. I'm just trying to have some fun...”  
“I don't appreciate fun at my expense.”  
  
Ron had opened his mouth to apologise before he saw the smirk twisting Severus' mouth.  
  
“Git,” he muttered.  
“Greasy git is more commonly used, I believe,” Severus informed him.  
“I've called you a lot worse than that in my time.”  
“I know, I heard most of it. You seemed to think being ugly also made me deaf.”  
“I didn't...”  
“Call me ugly? Say horrible things behind my back? Forgive me if that is why I find your newfound attraction somewhat hard to swallow.”  
“Kids are cruel. They took the piss out of me too. It's just school.”  
“Bullying is soul crushing.”  
“You should know, you did your fair share of it.”  
“Ah, well, they often say those that bully have been bullied themselves.”  
“You were an adult, you should have known better.”  
“Some of you deserved it. It made some of you stronger adults; your friend Granger, for example. Every time I ignored her flapping hand in a lesson, it simply gave her the determination to become cleverer to prove me wrong -and she will make a remarkable witch. She already is, as we both know.”  
  
At his mention of Hermione, Ron felt the lightness which had spread in his chest disappear. He didn't know what to do about her.  
  
“Ah, and there it is,” Severus said softly. “The sticking point. The love of your life. She is not six foot tall with long dark hair and a horrendous nose. She is young, soft and beautiful, and you still want her.”  
“I don't,” Ron said defiantly.  
“Then why are you stringing her along?”  
  
Ron had no answer for him, and could only counter him. “If this is so wrong then why the fuck are you still here? I asked you to leave and you didn't.”  
“You didn't want me to.”  
“And _you_ didn't want to go!”  
“No.”  
“Then what the bloody fuck, Snape?”  
  
His feet slipped over the tiled floor of the bath as Severus pulled him so hard against his body that Ron found it hard to breathe. Severus stared straight into his eyes.  
  
“If I am to have you, Weasley, I want all of you. I am a jealous man. I will not tolerate you stringing a girl along because you cannot make up your mind as to which orifice you want to stick your cock in. Make your mind up. Come to me when you have done so.”  
  
Staggering as he was thrust away, Ron was left to dumbly watch as Severus waded to the side of the bath and lifted himself out with what, Ron knew, were surprisingly strong arms. He watched as the man dried himself off and dressed again. He watched as he left without another word.  
  
Ron remained in the bath for a very long time that night, staring at the wall.


	2. Chapter 2

**2009**  
  
Severus couldn't quite believe how familiar it all was -his taste, his smell, the little whimpering sounds he made deep down in this throat when he liked something that was done to him. Ten years had passed but it seemed that Ronald Weasley had changed very little, even though he had turned into a man, with a real man's body, and his voice seemed so much deeper and more adult.  
  
He shouldn't have looked in, Severus knew. He had known that Ron would be there, working, draped in the scarlet robes of his Auror uniform, and he had been unable to stay away from the man, unable to resist a look at the object of an affection long since past. He had seen Ron very few times since the end of the Gryffindor's schooling. Against his advice, Ron had left the Potions course, but had somehow still ended up being an Auror.  
  
 _Even though he said it wasn't his dream._  
  
It wasn't hard to drum up the feelings of sheer horror and disappointment which Severus had found himself experiencing, night after night, when Ron had not timidly knocked on his door to say that he had decided on his path – that Severus was his path, and Hermione Granger was not. The blow when Minerva had taken him aside and informed him that Ron had decided to drop Potions, feigning mental incompetency for the subject, had been even worse. He had felt a fool every night thereafter when he found himself depressed and lonely, unable to shake the memories that they had so briefly created, and the reality that Ron had decided not to come to him, and that Severus was not what he wanted.  
  
It had been a surprise, then, that it had been so very easy to get Ron into his bed once again, ten years later. When Severus had grabbed him by the upper arm and looked deep into his eyes, he had found the same old spark still there, just waiting to be re-ignited.  
  
Warm palms cupped Severus' face then and he was pulled from his thoughts, back to the freckled face in front of him, the one which had acquired a few wrinkles and laughter lines in the ten years since he had last been so close to it. Ron kissed him, which Severus permitted, and enjoyed the taste of tongue he was given. It seemed meek after all they had done that evening, when Severus had been unable to resist from using force to put Ron exactly where he wanted him, to let his hands slap the soft, pliant flesh and to pull on thick, long hair.  
  
“You taste the same,” Ron whispered, remaining close to his face.  
“You do too.” Severus heard his thick voice and only stopped short of rolling his eyes at himself.  
  
He would no doubt feel pathetic about his actions come the dawn, not to mention guilty.  
  
“Have you got anything to drink?” Ron asked. “Mouth's so dry. I was at work all evening.”  
“Oh the woes of the protectors of the Wizarding world,” Severus commented. He reached for his wand and summoned a bottle of wine.  
“Oh. I don't drink,” Ron said, his cheeks colouring at the sight of the bottle as it zoomed into sight. “Can I have some water, please?”  
  
Severus frowned at him, but summoned a glass and filled it with water from his wand. Ron accepted it and chugged it back. Tiny droplets escaped the sides of his mouth and trickled down his cheeks. Severus wanted to lick them away. Instead, he pushed himself to sitting and moved back against the headboard of his bed. His bedroom was dark save for the bedside lamp sitting on the nearby cabinet. In hindsight, he was surprised that it had even made it on, considering their urgency when they'd entered the bedroom. Clothes were scattered all over the carpet and Ron's hair was stranding on end from all the times that Severus had run his fingers through it as they kissed.  
  
“You don't drink?” he asked finally, pouring himself a glass of wine.  
“No.” Ron reached out and put his glass on the bedside cabinet. “Not since I was twenty.”  
“Do you mind if I ask why not?”  
  
Ron said nothing, staring at the bed linen as if it held a puzzle he was trying to decipher.  
  
“Or not. I appreciate that several years have gone by, and we are not-”  
“I stopped after I became an alcoholic,” Ron said, matter-of-factly. “The one or two glasses of whiskey I used to drink to get me to sleep the first year after the war became a bottle a day. A bottle and a half on a bad one. Two years of that nearly killed me. I nearly died. I haven't had a drink in eight years.”  
  
Severus stared at him, his chest thrumming with horror. “You... I had no idea, Weasley. I didn't...”  
“See me? Nobody did. Because I hid myself away and slowly murdered myself with it so nobody could tell me to stop.”  
“Why?” Severus breathed. “Why did you...?”  
  
Ron simply shrugged.  
  
“My apologies, I was prying. And I should not drink in front of you.”  
“It's fine.” Ron shifted to lie down beside him. “It used to kill me to see other people drinking around me. I can handle it now.”  
“I have known alcoholism,” Severus said. He put his goblet down and laid down next to Ron. “And I have known that temptation is only ever just around the corner.”  
“How?”  
“My father.” Severus said nothing more and hoped Ron would leave it at that.  
  
Ten years appeared to have taught him some tact. Ron said nothing, but snuggled closer into Severus' side and rested his head on his shoulder.  
  
“It is hard to imagine you like that,” Severus murmured. “I didn't... I am glad that you managed to sort yourself out.”  
“You didn't care then, don't pretend you care now. We couldn't be together, you told me hundreds of times.”  
“You were the one who did not come to me,” Severus reminded him.  
  
Ron laughed, and it was dry and slightly scornful. “I didn't come because what would have been the point? You'd only have changed your mind and hurt me more. I didn't think you'd ever stick your neck out for me, that we'd ever have anything resembling a relationship! I was eighteen, and you were thirty-eight, and you made it clear from the way you treated me that you agreed with my decision.”  
“You left me no choice.” Severus felt his belly tighten with anger. “If I had come after you, persisting, it would have looked like harassment. You didn't come. You didn't want me. You wanted your girlfriend.”  
“She was never my girlfriend.” Ron lifted up on one arm and stared down into Severus' face. “I didn't have a relationship with her. From the day that you left me in the bathroom, I've always regarded myself as gay.”  
“And Granger?”  
“I broke her heart. Somehow she was good enough to still be my friend, and fuck knows I needed her, and Harry, over the next two years from that point on.”  
  
Severus stayed silent, trying to process the new information as it came to him.  
  
“So, if you were gay...”  
“I thought about coming to find you. I even made it halfway to the dungeons loads of times. One night I even got as far as lifting my hand to knock on your door. But I didn't do it. I didn't think you would ever come through for me. You'd tossed me out once and abandoned me another time. I didn't think I could cope with the stress of you rejecting me for a third time.”  
“The second was a test, you idiot.”  
  
Severus reached up and pinched at the bridge of his nose, sensing the headache brewing in his skull.  
  
“And I failed it, just like I failed at everything else back then.” Ron shrugged. “It was just the way it was meant to be.”  
“Why did you come back here tonight then, if you were so afraid of being hurt?”  
“I've got a bit braver. And somehow, I know that come the morning, you'll ask me to leave, and I'll be okay. I won't turn to the drink this time, and I'll go back to my life, and we'll have had one more night which I'll look back on and be grateful for.”  
“Well, good for you. I'm not sure I am made of steel as strong, however, so if you'd like to leave now and save both of us the trouble, perhaps that would be best.”  
“What?” Ron asked, his voice stiff.  
“I waited for you,” Severus muttered. “Every night till the end of your school year, I waited for you. Even after you left my lessons and gave me no chance to even look at you. For some, ridiculous reason, I hoped that there would be a knock on the door, and it would be you, and we might have something together. Surely you knew what you were doing?”  
“I didn't think it was... I didn't think you were serious,” Ron said. He paused and licked at his bottom lip, an action retained from his eighteen-year-old self, Severus remembered. “I just thought that if I came, you'd have sex with me and then throw me away again. I didn't think you really wanted me.”  
  
Severus was surprised when he glanced at Ron and saw very real regret splashed across the man's features.  
  
“I wanted you very much,” he said, softly, and turned to give the man a kiss. “I suppose we are both at fault for not expressing our emotions clearly enough.”  
  
Ron didn't answer except for with a kiss. Severus loosened his jaw and took it, allowing Ron to move when the man rolled on top of him and pressed him hard into the mattress. He didn't think that he would stir again, not when the first time had been so explosive, but he felt his cock hardening as it rubbed against Ron's, their flesh still sticky from their first round.  
  
A far-reaching tongue scraped the roof of his mouth and Severus shivered, putting his hands to Ron's face and holding it in place. Ron only moved to grind his hips down, his muscles rippling beneath freckled skin. Severus had enjoyed exploring the additions he had found there -a painted dragon etched into the skin of Ron's back, a thorny, old-school style rose curling around the man's left forearm, and a flock of birds over his right hip. Severus had asked after their inspiration, but Ron had merely smiled and shook his head.  
  
The tongue piercing had been another welcome addition, one which Severus had only truly appreciated when Ron had put his tongue to use in his crotch. Severus shivered remembering the feel of it. Ron seemed amply modified for his ten years, and unconventional for his family.  
  
Seemingly reading his mind, Ron began to move, trailing a path of damp kisses down Severus' chest, belly and through his pubic hair, to capture the tip of his cock in his mouth. The piercing brushed against him and Severus held his breath, waiting for the onslaught. He had never been sucked off by a pierced man before. Ron glanced up to meet his eye and stared at him as he slathered his tongue over the head, and left the ball of his piercing resting against the slit. Almost choking, Severus laced his fingers into Ron's hair and pushed his head down.  
  
Ron made short work of him. Between the sucks, scrapes and gentle nips, Severus felt his control racing away from him. He was in no mind to call it back. He managed to hold on for a few seconds more, but Ron's lips wrapped around him was too pretty a sight for him to last any longer. He clenched Ron's hair tightly in his fingers and came, hard, into the man's mouth, pumping come down his throat and refused to release him. All sense left him as his orgasm shattered through his bones. He sank down into the mattress and was unaware of when his fingers finally released Ron from his position. Severus barely felt the man reach out to turn the light off, or Ron lying back down next to him and curling into his side. He closed his eyes, and fell asleep amidst the euphoria.  
  


* * *

  
  
As he wandered around the man's flat, Ron wondered if he was dreaming. It felt so surreal to be with Severus Snape again after so long that he wasn't sure that his mind wasn't making it up. It had been his decision not to go after the man following his challenge, but Ron had always regretted his lack of courage. He had fought a war and killed, but he had not been strong enough to face up to the future he could have had -be it hurt or happiness- with Severus Snape.  
  
He had been eighteen, and Ron supposed everybody made mistakes when they were that young. Severus himself had made several and spent his life atoning for them. Ron had continued to make mistakes up until just before his twenty-first birthday, when he had been hospitalised for alcohol poisoning and addiction. Only then had he found the courage to break the cycle and change his life.  
  
Being with Severus had not felt like a step back. They were both so changed that it was impossible to revert back to his younger self. Ron was older and more mature, tattooed and had been with many men since Severus, his first. Severus too was different -for the better. He was more relaxed and calm within himself, Ron could see. Somewhere in the ten years that had passed, the man had managed to find peace with his life and his past, and forged a new path for himself. The flat was bright and spacious, filled with touches of home which made it comfortable. It was in the suburbs of London and in a Muggle area. Severus seemed happy.  
  
Ron wondered whether the man regretted the night before.  
  
“Coffee,” Severus announced from behind him, holding out a steaming mug of the same. “I hope that's to your taste.”  
“It's great.” Ron smiled at him and shifted awkwardly in the dressing gown that the man had leant him.  
“What time do you have to be at work?” Severus asked, sitting down on the corner sofa which filled the majority of the sitting room.  
“In about an hour. I've got plenty of time...”  
“Feel free to use the bathroom for whatever you need...”  
“They've seen me looking worse than this.” Ron smiled and sat down next to Severus. “Much worse. Bloody, dishevelled, just-shagged. The lot. Sometimes, all three.”  
  
He blushed as he realised what he'd said.  
  
“Do you make a habit of rolling into work fresh from your lovers' beds, then?” Severus teased him with a smirk.  
“Sometimes,” Ron admitted.  
“Lucky gentlemen,” Severus commented, and sipped at his coffee.  
  
Ron didn't know how to answer, so he did the same, and the smooth roast flowed over his tongue. He moaned in appreciation and drank some more. “Merlin, that's good.”  
“I'm glad you think so.”  
“Maybe... maybe I could come back at the weekend and have some more?” Ron asked suggestively, taking a sip of his coffee so that he didn't have to look at Severus as he said it.  
  
There was a silence and then a sigh.  
  
“I don't think so, Ron. There's something... something you should know.”  
“What?”  
  
Severus got to his feet and paced to the fireplace. He folded his arms over his chest and turned to face Ron.  
  
“I'm seeing someone, Ron.”  
“What?” Ron nearly dropped his mug as his stomach seemed to fall out of place. “But you... last night...?”  
“Last night was a mistake which I was unable to resist and clearly will spend the next three months beating myself up over. I will tell him, perhaps that will help to absolve me of the crime.”  
“H-him?” Ron stammered, not sure why it felt like the end of the world.  
  
 _Because you're a stupid idiot who thought one night in bed together would mean that you could carry on where you left off, and the ten years in between wouldn't matter. Stupid._  
  
Ron blinked and tried to unfreeze his tongue.  
  
“I've been seeing a man for a few months. He's a Muggle, he doesn't know anything of my past or our world.”  
“But you... you slept with me,” Ron blundered.  
“I know,” Severus said softly.  
“You _bastard_ ,” Ron breathed, jumping to his feet. Coffee slopped over the rim of the mug and landed on the cream carpet; Ron found himself glad. “I can't believe you.”  
  
Severus looked at him sadly. “I find myself as disgusted with myself as you are, but I couldn't resist having you again.”  
“Was that some kind of sick payback for me not coming for you?” Ron demanded, sorely tempted to throw the mug across the room and into Severus' face.  
  
The man jerked his shoulders in a stiff shrug and said nothing.  
  
“I was hurt too,” Ron spat. “I wanted to come to you and be with you but I just knew you were going to push me away. Why should I have hung around to be fucked like a toy and then set aside when your guilt got the better of you?”  
“I don't have an answer for you. All I know is that last night was a mistake and that I think you should leave now.”  
“Oh, I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?” Ron laughed, slamming his cup down on the coffee table and ignoring the liquid which flew everywhere. “Am I unwanted now? You wanted me in your bed last night and my tongue on your cock. You wanted _me_!”  
  
Ron threw the dressing gown from his shoulders and stood naked in the middle of Severus' sitting room. Only an idiot would have missed the flash of longing which shot through Severus' expression at the sight of him standing there, naked as the day he was born but with a few adornments.  
  
“And you still want me, you lying bastard.” He shook his head with disgust. “I can't believe I let myself do this again.”  
  
He turned on his heel and walked from the living room, blood thudding in his ears as he made his way to the room in which they had slept the night before. He wondered whether Severus' other man had slept in the same bed and done the same things that they had done; the thought made his stomach curdle. He began snatching up his clothes and rushed to put them on. He yanked his robes over his head and ignored the sound of tearing fabric when they got stuck. He ignored his socks and went straight for his boots; whatever happened, he wasn't going in to work.  
  
He walked back to the sitting room with his boots unlaced. They rubbed against the bare skin of his feet and he knew he would have blisters by the time he got home. His robes were twisted and pulling against him.  
  
“I'm going,” he threw at Severus. “And I won't be as stupid as to come near you next time.”  
“Ron, please, I know that I-”  
“You don't get to say please to me, or beg me. No. You don't get to say _anything._ ”  
“Not even sorry?”  
“I don't want your apologies.” Ron heard the snarl of his words. “I'm going now.”  
“Going where?” Severus asked.  
  
Ron swallowed and thought about it for a split second before opening his mouth to say something he knew would really, truly hurt.  
  
“I'm going to get a fucking drink.”  
  
He didn't give Severus time to protest before he pulled open the front door and slammed it behind him.  
  
***  
  
Oblivion was so enticing that Ron couldn't remember why he'd given it up before. He was flat out on his back, floating, and the world seemed miles away and he was alone, so alone, so peaceful.  
  
It was peaceful except for the crashing sorrow which seemed to be pouring into his body through every possible pore and hole. It had consumed him, immobilising him on the bed as he stared at the ceiling. He was frozen by it that he could neither blink nor permanently close his eyes.  
  
He had tasted two poisons that day -both old and familiar, both ruinous. He had sworn off them in the past and been too weak to resist them when they had come calling. Severus Snape and the drink. They were his poisons, and Ron had given himself up to both of them.  
  


* * *

  
  
 **2019**  
  
 _I need glasses._  
  
Ron squinted into the distance, sure that his eyes were playing tricks on him. He had been waiting for a glimpse of Severus Snape for years, and now that it seemed to actually be before him, he couldn't see straight for love nor money.  
  
He sped up, unwilling to trust his dodgy eyesight. His knee ached as he went, the remnants of a recent injury whilst out working for the force -the daily pain was an unwelcome reminder that he might just be getting too old to be throwing himself in front of every curse which came Harry's way. Harry was still alive because of Ron's diving ability, it was a joke well known in their team.  
  
 _Harry has three kids and a wife, and I don't._  
  
He repeated the mantra in his brain, over and over, even though he had told himself a hundred times before. Harry _did_ have those things, everything that Ron did not, but he never really found himself yearning for it, either. Screaming brats, vomit and shit were not things he enjoyed, at any time of the day, but least of all in the middle of the night -babysitting his nieces and nephews had taught him that the hard way.  
  
He forced more speed into his legs, ignoring their protests, and tried to focus on the dark head bobbing in front of him. The closer he got, he became more hopeful. He saw a thin body cloaked in dark robes, with long dark hair. He even got a glimpse of the man's large feet as he walked.  
  
“Severus?” He threw caution to the wind and called out, stopping where he stood after he had spoken. He waited, heart thudding along in his chest.  
  
The dark head turned and looked over a shoulder, and then Severus stopped. Ron edged closer, carefully, as if Severus were an animal that he didn't want to frighten. When they were face to face, Ron felt slightly sick.  
  
“It's really you,” he breathed, unable to stop a smile from spreading on his lips.  
  
Severus Snape had aged, but only for the better, Ron thought. There were but few flecks of silver in his hair and his face, bar a few added wrinkles, was unchanged. Even his clothes seemed to be the same.  
  
“I haven't seen you for years,” Ron went on, unable to stop himself. “I looked... I looked all the time. At the Ministry... at the memorial services... but...”  
“I was not there,” Severus finished for him.  
“No.” Ron stared at him.  
  
The Alley continued around them, but they seemed to lift into their own little bubble, or at least that was how Ron felt.  
  
“Would you...” Severus stopped and cleared his throat. Ron was surprised to see shyness in his eyes. “Would you like to get a drink, or a cup of tea somewhere? Do you have somewhere to be?”  
“I have nowhere to be,” Ron lied. “Nowhere at all.”  
“There's a café just up there.”  
  
They began to walk in silence. Ron found himself not wanting to tear his eyes away from Severus' face. He knew that staring would look odd, though, and so he forced his eyes down to his own feet. He kept them there until they were in the warm confines of the café. Severus ordered a pot of tea for two and some cake, but Ron didn't know if he could stomach it. His belly was suddenly in knots. He sat down in a quiet spot in a corner and waited for Severus to join him.  
  
“Where have you been?” Ron asked quietly. “I... Like I said, I looked.”  
“I withdrew from the society, largely. I kept my nose in with potions journals and such, but I didn't like to flaunt my magic in front of David, so...”  
“David... that's your partner? Husband?” Ron hated the way his throat tightened admitting the words.  
“Was,” Severus corrected, and then coughed. His face turned sorrowful and Ron held his breath. “He died five years ago.”  
“Died?” Ron repeated in horror. “Oh Godric, Severus, I'm so sorry.”  
  
Severus shook his head and closed his eyes. “It was... I have had many years to come to terms with the grief but...”  
“You haven't,” Ron said softly. “God, I didn't... I thought that... I _hoped_ that...”  
“That what?” Severus looked at him.  
“That you were happy,” Ron breathed. He tipped his face forward into his fingers. “I just hoped that wherever you were, you were happy and getting to like life. You were always so miserable before and now... now you're even worse because...”  
“He had cancer,” Severus said. “And refused magical help. I offered it by the cauldron load and he would not take it. He said it was not his place to be saved by me or my magic.”  
“But magic can heal most of the Muggle cancers.” Ron heard his voice die away with each further word.  
“Yes.”  
  
Severus thanked the waitress who brought their tea and then began to pour it. Ron stared at the cake he'd been bought, definitely not hungry after the news which Severus had just imparted.  
  
“And yourself?” Severus asked finally, pushing a cup across the table. “What have you been doing?”  
“Still with the Aurors.”  
“Are you seeing anybody?”  
  
Ron picked up his mug for something to do. He didn't know how to answer.  
  
“Nobody,” he said finally. “And there hasn't been anybody.”  
“What?” Severus asked jerkily.  
“Since... since I was last with you, I haven't been with anybody romantically, or sexually for that matter.”  
“You're celibate?” Severus asked with surprise.  
  
Ron laughed. “I've still got my right hand and a bottle of lube, Severus.”  
“But you're so... young.”  
“I'm thirty-eight.” Ron laughed. “As old as you were the first time we...” he gestured between them. “You know.”  
“I know,” Severus said, and smiled down at the table. “Why haven't you found anybody?”  
“I didn't want anybody.” Ron shrugged. “Or maybe I did, but they weren't the right ones... and I just let myself chase them all off.”  
“After we were together, the last time... after you left. Did you do what you said you were going to do, Ron?”  
  
Ron blushed. “I did. But only for that night. I woke up with one hell of a hangover and sick as a dog and just... I've never been able to look at a bottle of firewhiskey without wanting to chunder since.” He shuddered. “I can do a glass of wine with dinner these days but hardcore spirits? Not a chocolate cauldron's chance in hell.”  
  
Severus laughed and the sound washed over Ron, warm and familiar.  
  
“I am glad to hear that... I was so afraid that you would...”  
“Do something stupid? Get addicted again? All tempting thoughts at the time, trust me.”  
“But you didn't.”  
“No.”  
“Why not?”  
“I'd grown up. And... and I couldn't do that to you.”  
“Thank you,” Severus said quietly. “I... was afraid that...”  
  
Ron shook his head and waved off Severus' attempts at concern.  
  
“So... after all these years, you are thirty-eight, a man grown, a beautiful one at that... and you are alone, and I am alone, and there is nothing standing in our way.” Severus mused aloud.  
  
Ron said nothing, not wanting to push his luck.  
  
“I can't sit here and discuss this,” Severus said, suddenly. “Will you come back with me to my home?”  
“Yeah, of course,” Ron said, far too eagerly.  
  
Together, they left, leaving their tea and cake untouched on their table, and hurried to the first secretive place they could find. Severus snatched his wrist up and then they were flying, moving through the world at a dizzying pace. When they landed, Ron staggered, and Severus propped him up with a hand on each shoulder. He had expected to be in the flat which he had visited once before, but instead found himself outside a red bricked house on the end of a terrace.  
  
“You moved,” he commented.  
“I couldn't stay in that flat after David died. He was etched in the walls, breathing out of the fabric. I had to move.”  
“You loved him,” Ron said dumbly.  
“Yes. I did.”  
  
Severus didn't speak again as he opened the front door and gestured Ron inside. The hallway was light and spacious. Ron didn't really care; all he wanted was Severus.  
  
“You have a lovely h-” was all he managed to get out before his back slammed into the wall and Severus kissed him, nearly breaking his jaw with the intensity of the kiss. Ron sucked in a mouthful of breath which came from the other man's mouth and shivered.  
“It's a mediocre home at best,” Severus muttered to him. “Lacking life, due care and attention, and someone that loves it. There is no warmth here, no memories to relax into the walls. There is nothing, Ron. Only me.”  
  
Ron said nothing, staring at the man's eyes for a while until he could untie his tongue. “Well... you certainly still know how to kiss, that's for sure. Nice boys and old blokes don't kiss like that.”  
Severus stared at him. “Oh yes they fucking do.”  
  
Ready that time, Ron braced himself between the wall and Severus' body and sent his tongue out to play. Severus nipped it and made him whimper. The older man pulled away, laughing.  
  
“Thirty-eight and you still mewl like the eighteen-year-old I first had on my desk.”  
“I like to think he's still in there somewhere,” Ron reasoned. “Under the alcohol addiction and bitterness. He's aching to get out.”  
“I'd imagine he is.” Severus' hand came up to rest on Ron's cheek, and his thumb began to brush a path beneath Ron's eye.  
  
“I don't think that I can handle you walking away again.”  
“Same here,” Ron said, hardening his gaze. Severus stared back.  
  
Something seemed to break after a few moments, and Severus looked down at his feet.  
  
“I want to feel like I'm cheating on him. I want to feel horrible. I want to feel like the scum of the earth because I'm touching another man... but I can't, because it's you, and you're... you.”  
“Last time I checked I was,” Ron said breathlessly.  
  
Severus laughed and shook his head. “Twenty years and I still want you.”  
“Same here.”  
  


* * *

  
  
Severus kept waiting for the feeling to come -for the guilt, for the crushing sorrow. But it did not come, and had not come in the three days since Ron had waltzed back into his life, into his home, and into his embrace. He hadn't left again, either. Severus did not complain when the redhead had messaged work and said that he was taking time off.  
  
It felt as if they had spent the entire time in bed. Severus felt like the teenage layabout he had never been allowed to be. Ron was curled into his side, smelling ripe of sweat and sex and man, and they had had sex more times than Severus cared to count.  
  
More times than he thought a fifty-eight-year-old man could manage, if he was honest.  
  
“Merlin's cock, I stink,” Ron commented suddenly, rolling onto his back and exposing his hairy chest. I haven't gone this long without a wash since the war!”  
“Yes, the point where one's own stench forces a shower is a sad one, I think.”  
“You can talk.” Ron laughed and poked him in the side.  
  
Severus didn't care that he stank too. He didn't care that it looked like an oil slick had been dumped in his hair. He just simply didn't care.  
  
“Ron...” he reached out and touched his fingers to the man's chest hair. “Do you plan on leaving soon?”  
“Are you kicking me out?” Ron asked lazily, with a grin on his face.  
“No... but... you have a life waiting for you.”  
“A sad one,” Ron admitted.  
“A life nonetheless.”  
  
The redhead was silent for a time and Severus felt his stomach tighten with nerves. He had not been bluffing; if Ron decided to leave, or to go and not return, he would not be able to deal with it as he had before. He had suffered true loss in death since then. He did not want to lose again. He had lost so many times.  
  
“Don't go,” Severus implored him.  
“I'm not going anywhere.” Ron turned to him wearing a curious expression. “Why would you think I was going anywhere but the shower and then right back here?”  
  
He found himself unable to answer.  
  
“Don't be scared,” Ron whispered. “I'm not going anywhere, Severus. Not this time. Not again. I was right when I was eighteen, and you were too stupid and pig-headed to let me show it. You made me doubt myself and I walked away and it was a fucking big mistake. I made it again ten years ago and left you to another man. I've learnt my lesson good and proper this time.”  
“And... your family and friends?”  
“Don't give a fuck.” Ron shrugged. “I think they just want me to be happy, but none of them know why I've been unhappy...”  
“I don't need to know how miserable I've made you.”  
“Not just you... just life. I was an alcoholic and stupid and...” Ron broke off and scrunched up his face. “I've done stupid stuff. We all have. But everyone gets the right to wipe the slate clean and start again, don't they?”  
“I thought David was that for me.” Severus dropped his eyes to Ron's chest. “I loved him.”  
“I bet you did, and I bet he loved you back just as much. What happened was horrible, and if I could take that hurt away from you, I would. But I can't, Severus. I am here, though, now, and I'm not going anywhere... and after twenty years, just shut up, and let this happen, yeah? Don't make me call you old again.”  
  
Severus laughed despite himself. “Fine.”  
“Give us a kiss,” Ron asked, angling his jaw upwards.  
  
Severus saw such light in his face that it was impossible to resist. He delivered the kiss and remained close afterwards.  
  
“You still feel as good as you did when I was eighteen,” Ron whispered.  
“You still taste as good as you did when you were eighteen, too.”  
  
Ron laughed, and Severus kissed him again. Twenty years of tension, fear and emotion seemed to evaporate into the ether between them, and Severus, finally, let his mind calm, and breathed in properly for the first time in years.  
  


* * *

  
  
 **2020**  
  
“So, was it him all along then?”  
  
Ron pretended he hadn't heard Harry as he stood at his mother's sink, washing up the plates from their lunch.  
  
“When did this start?”  
“Harry-”  
“Don't try and put me off, Ron, you owe me answers. You've lied to me for years!” Harry hissed.  
  
Taken aback, Ron dropped the plate he was holding, allowing it to fall into the water and send puffs of bubbles up into the air and onto his top.  
  
“I've never lied to you,” he said quietly. “I just... there was a truth, and you never bloody asked for it, Harry.”  
“You're forty today.” Harry stared at him.” And not once in our twenty-nine year friendship have you ever told me that you'd had sex with him, been with him... were clearly fucking in love with him. It all makes so much sense now.”  
“Well, I'm sorry, if you think I've lied... but it took me and him twenty years to get our act together... I didn't think anyone else in the mix would help.”  
“But I just don't get it,” Harry went on. “I don't. What... I mean, how come it took twenty years for you to finally be in a relationship with him? And he's sixty now. He's far too old for you!”  
  
Ron laughed then, dropping his head back and heartily guffawing at the ceiling.  
  
“Harry, stoppit. I'm a big boy now. And he's hurt me and I've hurt him and it's all been very fucked up. But we're finally getting on right and... I'm happy.”  
“You'd better be bloody sure you are, or I'll rip him limb from limb if he puts one foot wrong. War hero, schmero. Nobody messes with my Wheezy.”  
“I'm touched, Harry.” Ron rolled his eyes and picked his plate up. “But your 'Wheezy' has had enough of being alone and not having anybody to go home to after he spends all day saving your skinny arse.”  
“No need to be so personal.” Harry sniffed, offended.  
  
Ron laughed and shook his head. Harry nudged him with his shoulder.  
  
“You'd make really ugly babies,” his best friend offered, before snorting and departing the kitchen.  
  
Continuing to wash up, Ron looked out of the window towards the orchard. It had felt very odd to show Severus the place where he had grown up, to take him up to his old childhood bedroom and watch the man looking at the baby photos which covered his parents' walls. He felt more naked on that day than he ever had.  
  
 _Which, when your relationship started by being fucked over his desk more than twenty years ago, is saying something._  
  
***  
  
“Thanks for coming today,” Ron said, easing down on the sofa, balancing a plate of custard creams on top of his mug of tea. “It meant a lot.”  
“Mm,” Severus hummed, not lifting his eyes from the Prophet.  
“Harry threatened to rip you limb from limb if you hurt me...”  
  
Severus snorted and turned a page.  
  
“Biscuit?” Ron offered him the balanced plate.  
“Can't you carry anything like a normal person?” Severus muttered, shooting him a filthy look; he did, however, nab a biscuit off the plate.  
“Why be dull?” Ron shrugged. He put the plate on his knee and his mug on the arm of the chair.  
“If that falls off, you're cleaning it up.”  
“Yes mum.”  
  
The slap of the paper into his side made Ron laugh, but he choked on the biscuit that Severus shoved in his mouth. Then the man was there, staring at him with what Ron hoped was loving disdain, shaking his head.  
  
“Forty years old,” Severus mused. “And you look ridiculously young. Nobody would ever believe you if you were where you should be.”  
“And where's that?” Ron frowned.  
“Looking forward to collecting your spawn from Kings Cross in a few weeks' time.”  
“Harry said we'd make really ugly babies.” Ron made a face. “And anyway, that's not where I should be.” He picked up another biscuit, dunked it in his tea, and then put it to Severus' lips, feeding him the soggy sweetness. “I should be right here, doing this. And I'm glad that I am. _Finally._ ” He raised his eyebrows to make a point.  
  
His breath caught in his throat as Severus sucked a drip of tea off his forefinger. The man's dark eyes were glued to him.  
  
“I'm exactly where I should be,” Ron repeated, offering up another finger to be sucked.  
  
 _-fin-_


End file.
